I hurt !

Worked out for 5 of 6 days this week, today I went twice, yay day off  : /

I'm sorry just curious who spends four whopping hours at the gym on their only day off this week? I do :(
I guess thats what I get for letting myself get to this point. I feel huge, I feel ugly. I know I am not the only person in the world that feels this way but I feel so pitiful. IT SUCKS. Anyways, I am losing weight and I am going to keep it off. I am done being fat, Im done being the fat friend or that chunky girl. I want people to describe me as that girl with the pretty blue eyes and the hot ass not that big girl, you know the one with the face. I have been a fat girl my entire life and I have been tortured by bullies and made to feel like I am not good enough or attractive enough by men and even my family. I just want to not feel like the one everyone is stairing at at the bar like "why is that girl here, she is so gross?" or "should that girl really be eating out?" Let me tell you folks, YES I SHOULD. Just because I am fat doesnt mean Im not a person and doesnt mean I don't have feelings and yes, they do get hurt. I garen-godddamn-tee you that I am harder on myself than anyone else it. That is all about to change though. I am going to lose 150 pounds. It is a big number to lose but I will do it. I have had an appiphany of sorts, I have never actually had motivation before, I have told myself I have or more like lied to myself about it, but I feel it to my core this time. I am doing it healthy and doing it right. I will not deprive myself anymore. I will not binge because I am straving myself or binge because I am being too  restrictive. I am feeling great, I have been on a better diet and exercise for a whole week and that is a triumph for me. I also am drinking crazy amounts of water I feel like a camel sometimes. But it is working since monday(it's Saturday now) I have lost five whole pounds, and gdamn I have worked for that shit. This fat bitch has never worked so much, it sucks LOL