Thursday, March 3, 2011

my life is in pain

So I figure is the only place to vent this and I am sorry that it is completely off topic but..
I just found out that my step-dad who has been my stepdad since I was 6 is remarrying and he is not even divorced from my mother yet. Also I havent heard from him in months and it pisses me off that he has a new family that he loves and cares for but I am squat now. I was just on facebook and one of his new children told me that they are getting married in september. This put me in tears and I am so upset, Here is some back story.

When I was very little my father left me and started a new life, he has a new daughter named Darah. He treats her like a queen and she gets everything she wants including my dad. I had dreamt of meeting him since I was a little girl, I went through the fazes of being raging mad for leaving me, to being sad that he didnt love me enough to stay and always wondering why I wasnt good enough. I went through a thousand senerios of what it would be like but here is how it actually happened. One day I was on a weekend shopping trip to Calgary and my phone rings while I am in the mall. I pick up "hello?", the voice on the other line of the phone said "Is this Grace?" I said "yes who is this? if you don't tell me Im hanging up"  he said "its your dad"  I was like WTF. So I chatted with him for ten mintues  and it hadent set in yet who was talking to me. After a little while I think shock wore off and I began to ball my eyes out in the middle of a giant mall, it was embaressing. So anyways I was happy, we talked for a couple months later my family flew me home for a visit. I decided I would go for dinner with him so I waited at my GG's house and a ratty white car pulls up and he steps out, my heart was in my throat. Than from the backseat my sister who I had also never met stepped out. Long story short things didnt work out between us. He was just as big of an ass as my family told me he was, but I had to find out on my own. It was than when I realized how much Geoff meant to me (my stepdad), we fought alot and never got along when I was a teenager.

So I called Geoff, now living with his new girlfriend. I wasnt ok with the situation but I dealt with it to talk to him. And then he dropped off the face of the earth. A month later I get a call from him and he is talking about how in love he is and how he is going to marry her. I didnt take this seriously and I was pissy that he didnt even ask me. Than he dropped off the planet again and today I had to find out about this from his new child. WTF why do men leave me again and again. It is just this reoccuring cycle were they go get new families. I know its not my fault but how can you trust men if they are always leaving you?


  1. I am so sorry you are hurting. I have trust issues too, but not every man (person) is like that. I truly am sorry.

  2. I'm so sorry this has had to happen to you. I'm sorry the men in your life have let you down and I can see you know their behaviour is not your fault but that doesn't stop it hurting anyway. Hurting as a result of relationships that have not worked the way we wanted can be a cause of low self esteem and issues with health, lifestyle and weight. The fact you are working at making the changes you want is soooo strong, so many others haven't done this. You take care of yourself and keep on reminding yourself, this is not your fault.

  3. Thanks girls I knew I would have a great support system here. <3

  4. This is not your fault!! You just have to keep telling yourself that until you believe it. *Hugs*

  5. I'm so sorry. I wish I could make it all better for you.

  6. Men like that... sweetie, deserve to fall off the face of the planet. "dad" and Geoff, are not worth your tears, time, or heartache. a real man, will be there when you need him, whether he is with your mom or not. Even if he is a step dad. Clearly he took the "dad" role for you, so he should be more of that role still. Clearly he still needs to get his sheeeet together. I am so sorry for the hurt. It will fade, and you will soon realize you are better than both of them combined! ((If you havent already... hint hint.. YOU ARE!!;) ))